D'Var Torah on Rosh Hashana 5766

By Dolfy Freinquel
Sept. 24, 2006

(This D’var Torah is based on the book “Love like Fire and Water” by Rabbi Sholom Dov Ber of Lubavitch.)

The question that I would like to address on this special day is:

Why is it that every year, after having an introspective month of Elul, after coming to services with a full opened heart, after saying the right prayers, after gaining deep insights in what I need to change and doing deep Teshuvah for all the extra cookies that I ate during the year…….why is it that a week after Yom Kippur I start eating cookies out of control, again?

And what about the Teshuvah that I am doing for all the times that I lazily sat on my couch…actually laid down on my couch in the middle of the day….knowing that there were a couple of Mitzvot waiting to be performed?

Or the Teshuvah that I am doing for all the times that I went to the mall, on Shabbat and I spent frivolously on fancy clothes that I never wore?

Or all the times that I have been judgmental to all those people that I love so much?

Why is it that I perform all the steps, with a very sincere broken heart, with the sincere desire to change, and the week after Yom Kippur I am back to the cookies, the couch, the mall and the judgmental attitudes?

The Chassidic sages explain to us very clearly why this happens (and, of course this is the explanation by the Chassidic sages. There are also psychological, statistical, astrological, even medical explanations …).

They start by saying that there are two types of Love.  Of course they are talking about G-dly Love, the Love that the Universal forces have for us.

There is a Love that is like Water….and a Love that is like Fire.

Basically speaking, Love like Water is an unconditional love, like the love a parent can have for a son or daughter, or an older brother or sister for a younger one, as long as they are more or less normal people.

Love like Fire is more passionate and more conditional, the sort that exists between spouses.  It takes constant work.

Within the parameters of Love like Water, we do not need to be “good”…we can be “bad,” a little “bad” and no matter what, we will be forgiven. We may need to beg a little bit, cry a little bit, say “I am sorry.”  But even if that little nasty, spoiled, lazy, selfishy, little part of us does not behave, “We are loved…by an unending love…”

With Love like Fire it is like with our half oranges, even though we know that there is a little bit of unconditional love, we also know that we need to have our personal stuff a little more together.  If we do not work hard at controlling, convincing, educating that nasty, spoiled, lazy, cranky, excessively impulsive, little part of us, we do not get anything, and we are not loved by an unending love.

(As a parallel theme…I just want to mention that something similar happens in the subject of prayer.  The Chassidic say there is Kavannah – Intention – and there is Enunciation.

Kavannah….easy…we go inside…we get inspiration….aaaaahhhh…Love like water…..

Enunciation…..hard work…Do I really need to say all those words?…..Sorry.

The Chassidic sages say that only through enunciating the prayers we can get to have an influence on that spoiled, cranky, hard-headed, cookie loving , little part of us…Love like fire.

As I was saying before, when we come to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur we really open up, we do the deep work, we say all the prayers, we do profound Teshuvah.  We have intimate chats with the King, and the Queen, that are in the field, available to hear about our kvetching…and about our sorrows.….and we step out of the HiHo’s (High Holidays) elevated….purified…and forgiven…AAAAHHHH…Love like Water…

But in a couple of weeks we go back…and we start to eat cookies and to lie on the couch, and to over schedule our days and not leave enough time for our families.  We start to talk about things that we love to talk about, and that we know that we should not be talking about …….

WHY?  Did not we do the work?

AH!  This is where our Chassidic sages tell us that we did the work of Love like Water, but we are forgetting to do the Love like Fire work.

If we want to conquer, change, educate, elevate, purify that little, lazy, sometimes wasteful, arrogant, credit card loving part of us that wants cookies, couches and gossip, we need to work hard and bring in “a little fire.”

So, starting this year at TBI…we are reinstating the daily morning animal sacrifices…

…of course it is a joke, but I am sure that you see the connection.

So, what do we need to do?

The sages say that first of all, it is a type of work that we need to do during the whole year, each day of the year, no escape.  We need to do it with consistency and with dedication.

It is a type of process that is connected with the mind. A kind of deep Understanding that needs to happen. A type of Knowing that needs a daily reinforcing, as if that little part in us needs to get an Intellectual Grasp of what is happening.

These changes cannot happen through power and coercion, but only through persuasion.

It is a type of work that is connected with meditations that remind us that the little nasty, lazy, gluttonous part of us is there to show us the particular trait that we must purify and refine.

Without that work of Love like Fire during the whole year, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur will provide stimulation to our soul only at the time they occur….but they will not have any lasting effect on the physicality of our little lazy, cookie chaser.

Two different types of Love. Two different tasks to accomplish.

One helps us to cleave to the Divine, knowing that we are surrounded by an unconditional Love that supports us, forgives us, and holds us, no matter what.  This is the type of Avodah (work) that we are doing during these Holy Days.

The other helps us with the process of refining and purifying that little part in us, that is so little, so small and yet so powerful that can set the tone for the quality of our lives.

This small part in us can be so powerful that while unrectified and unelevated it can act as a barrier between us and others, between us and the Universe, between us and the Divine.

But if we can rectify it, purify it, elevate it through our daily fiery work, with consistency and dedication, this little part is precisely the part that becomes the key nexus between us and others, between us and the experience of Oneness with the Divine.

May we all receive the blessing to be able to go deep into the waters of self reflection and forgiveness during these High Holidays…and may we be able to find ways to kindle the fires of refinement, purification and transformation. 

Shanah Tovah v’Tikatevu.